Behind the Behavior

Whoever is patient has great understanding,
but one who is quick-tempered displays folly. Proverbs 14:29

When our children are experiencing chaos internally and don't know how to change the feeling of their finger in the light socket, they react. To act on something implies focus and when our children are not regulated, there is no ability for clarity to focus. They simply react. Those feelings are bullet speed ping pong balls flying and bouncing randomly. Ping pong balls are difficult to catch but delicate in nature. It doesn't take much effort to crush.

Children from hard places missed important developmental milestones and the gift of a present and affirming caregiver that allows the basis for self calming strategies to develop. When you see a child behaving in ways that indicate being unregulated, reacting in punishment further drives the chaos internally. The thinking part of the brain is only hindered more as survival mode is strengthened. Ping pong. Ping pong.

These children need immediate intervention aimed directly to stop the behavior without crushing their spirits further. Getting hold of the "ping pong balls" takes some dexterity and finesse that can only come from time spent in practice.

We cannot help if we are experiencing our own inner meltdown. If our children need immediate response, we need to have the self assessing tools to bring calm to ourselves as parents first.

Refresh your thinking. Remind yourself this isn't personal. Take long deep breaths, and long exhales. As you become centered, look now for the need in the child. It will be the key for change.