The Connected Child
Trust Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) is based on three pillars: Connection, Empowerment and Correction. The Connected Child is the first book published by Dr.’s Purvis and Cross. The Connected Child outlines what TBRI is and how this connected approach to parenting applies to adoptive families. Although The Connected Child was written for an adoptive family community, the principles of TBRI apply to any parent-child relationship.
Connected parenting asks parents to become detectives of their child; this includes being mindful of our own “heart, mind, soul and strength,” (Deuteronomy 6:5) and that of our child’s. By choosing to love our children in this holistic, connected, way we are teaching our children about the love of the Lord, and pointing them to the everlasting hope in Jesus Christ.
The Connected Child shares that as parents we connect before we correct, that we put high structure in place, and combine that with high nurture. Connected parenting is not dismissive, permissive or allowing the child to be in control.
What is structure? Structure is boundaries, routine, schedule, consistency. Structure is following God’s direction, His plans; not following my feelings. Structure, to have a regular rhythm, routine, and consistency requires planning on my part.
Yet structure itself is not enough. We must also give our children nurture. Nurture is love, encouragement, empathy. However nurture without structure leads children to feel unsafe and untrusting of the adults to be in control. Nurture, to be in sync with my child, spending time with them in their world requires intentionality on my part.
Dr. Karyn Purvis says that “if we give a child structure (rules and correction) when she needs nurture, we damage her ability to trust. If we give a child nurture when she needs structure, we limit her ability to grow. We must learn to see our children and understand what they need in all of their being.” Curious to learn more about how to see your children, perhaps in a new way? We encourage you to read The Connected Child. You can find great TBRI resources on YouTube, including the video linked below. Grace Haven Ministries offers in-person TBRI Caregiver Class to any parent/caregiver who would like more hands-on training to begin to implement these TBRI principles at home.