Child born to another woman
The first time I read this quote I was a new foster mom. We were on our 4th foster case since becoming an open foster home five months earlier. The sweet babe I was cradling in my arms when I read this quote was not yet talking, she wasn’t walking, she was not even sitting up on her own – because she was only five months old. This precious one continued to grow, and learn, and change; and when she spoke the word “mama” it was me she was calling. I have learned and grown and changed a lot since that day; and this quote continues to hit me deep inside. You see, adoption is beautiful, it is the walking out of the gospel in the flesh and it is hard and painful and messy. There is another mama who bore this child, who cradled this baby in her arms, and wears the scars from birth, but does not hold this child in her arms at night or rock her to sleep. It is a tragedy and a privilege. This life in the foster/adoptive world is like the kingdom of God – it is upside down.
When I began my journey as a foster mom I knew there would be difficulties and struggles. I didn’t know how much this journey would change me, how much God would use this process to refine me, grow me, stretch me and fill me. I have found a breadth of knowledge that I had no idea existed prior to the beginning of this journey. I just didn’t know, what I didn’t know. But now that I know better, I intend to do better. Part of knowing better has been being willing to learn and allow God to shift my paradigm of parenting.
A child born to another woman calls me mom. That, my friends, is a deep wound, a trauma. Trauma is defined as anything that is really overly stressful for us either mentally and/or physically: neglect, medical/hospitalizations, abuse, separation from family, scary events. And, trauma changes our brains.
I have read a number of books that have helped me learn about the effects of trauma, how important attachment is, how to work towards earned secure attachment for myself and my children, parenting with connection in mind, what are Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE’s) and why do they matter to my life today as an adult or to my children’s lives, brain development, and the love of our Father, God. Over a series of posts we will share with you some of these books – and a brief review. We hope that you will be inspired to let the Father speak deep into your heart. Perhaps these books will be reminders that you are on the right track. Perhaps you will see a title that you have wanted to read but haven’t had the time or you will find a new book you have not heard of before. I pray these little snippets will encourage you in your journey, and remind you that we all have things we just don’t know, and when we know better we can do better.
**Photo credits to: Amy Poirier at www.amy 1000 words photography.wordpress.com.